I am not sure if I can do self forgiveness for my aunt, but I feel I need to do this because this is bothering me and I want it out. I'll pretend it was me instead of her because that is probably how I'd react in her shoes too.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to want to have people around me to help me alleviate my grief.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel angry and sad at the loss of my partner because he has left me and I miss him dearly
I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel lonely and isolated because I am living all by myself in my house.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel scared when going to bed at night because my partner is not there.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that people do not want to visit me because of their own reasons.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to become depressed because of the grief and loss.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to cry all the time because of the loss of my partner.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel sorry for myself because I am not alone.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to want to seek out support from people so that I can confide my emotions in them.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to need to be around people so that I can release that pain in me by just talking to them.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to not realize that I am a human being and that my life does not depend on my husband and that I need to take responsibilty for my life.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to assume that my sibblings would help me in these hard times because that is what sibblings do.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience moments where I just want to scream out loud at 2am and run away.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel scared to live in my house on my own.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to need to be with my kids because they are my support.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to wish that my partner were here with me to hug me and support me.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel hurt by the way my relatives talk to me.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to accept the fact that death is part of life and that it is a cycle.
Sunday 5 February 2012
Support or take 100% responsibility for you
My aunt recently lost her husband of 39 years last october. He passed away fast and he left behind 2 kids and a wife. Since last October, my aunt has been living all by herself. Her kids went to Europe to find work and with the goal that when they are financially established, they will have their mom come live with them. Since the death, she has been suffering from a lot of things: depression, insomnia, anxiety attacks on top of other health conditions she had. After talking to her recently, I found that my other uncles and aunts are too busy in their own lives having fun to even pay attention to her when she really needs help. She can't seem to be able to sleep at night and she walks to her sister's place to be able to just have one night of sleep. My uncles tend to not like that and have said mean things to her regarding this. In addition, people have stopped coming to her house. It's as if they feel that her house is possessed. My aunts, her own sisters, told her that they can't take on her responsibilty for fear that their husbands leave them or say something bad to them. Her own brother told her to go and stay with her kids because no one will take her responsibility.
I can understand that people have busy lives and chose not to want to be around her. However, this is a lady who currently is living all by herself and is facing her reality. All she needs is a place to stay at night just so that she can sleep and put her mind to rest. She is in a position where she really would like to be surrounded by people because of loneliness but people would rather spend their weekend camping out by the sea rather than being in her company.
AFter hearing all this, I was torn. I couldnt' understand what is right and what is wrong. Before I would be like: "what is wrong with society? This is your sister for God's sake. Can't you support her until she is stable enough to support herself?" Right now, I am also realizing that we have to face our own desteni ourselves. This is our reality and death is something we will all have to go through at some point. I am grateful that her kids have chosen not to abandon her, but rather be with her and talk to her everyday via skype.
I now realize that in this world, we just need to take 100% responsibility for ourselves. IT seems that there is no one as in no one out there to support you in times like these, at least in her situation.
There aren't even support groups where people can go and talk about their feelings when they need to. I don't know what is right or wrong anymore.
This event has lead me to think again about whether we should live and support one another or whether it is our game and let us just all face our own misery on our own and live just for us? Where is the 'love thy neighbor as ourselves?' in this situation? If we really loved her, why couldn't we just learn to help and support one another?
I can understand that people have busy lives and chose not to want to be around her. However, this is a lady who currently is living all by herself and is facing her reality. All she needs is a place to stay at night just so that she can sleep and put her mind to rest. She is in a position where she really would like to be surrounded by people because of loneliness but people would rather spend their weekend camping out by the sea rather than being in her company.
AFter hearing all this, I was torn. I couldnt' understand what is right and what is wrong. Before I would be like: "what is wrong with society? This is your sister for God's sake. Can't you support her until she is stable enough to support herself?" Right now, I am also realizing that we have to face our own desteni ourselves. This is our reality and death is something we will all have to go through at some point. I am grateful that her kids have chosen not to abandon her, but rather be with her and talk to her everyday via skype.
I now realize that in this world, we just need to take 100% responsibility for ourselves. IT seems that there is no one as in no one out there to support you in times like these, at least in her situation.
There aren't even support groups where people can go and talk about their feelings when they need to. I don't know what is right or wrong anymore.
This event has lead me to think again about whether we should live and support one another or whether it is our game and let us just all face our own misery on our own and live just for us? Where is the 'love thy neighbor as ourselves?' in this situation? If we really loved her, why couldn't we just learn to help and support one another?
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